Moments that seem to never end,
Ones I’m not quite sure where they begin,
They’re circling me now.

Slowing my head down.

There’s a tightness in my chest,
And I can’t breathe.
It’s like the world is
Closing in on me.

And it’s weighing me down.

I’d scream but there’s water in my lungs,
I can’t lift my feet,
There’s no way to run
Away from everything you’ve ever said to me.

I can hear it all even now.

Broken words and shards of promises
They lay on the ground
You’re the start of this!
Start of the scratching in my throat.

I’m swallowing glass now.

Because my pride it’s sharp
With jagged edges
You shrug like it’s an apology
And I should fall to the floor with forgiveness.

Like there’s no sense in wondering how

How could you do this to me?
How was I too blind to see?
Was there no warning?
Why is there a war in me?

I need to win and I don’t know how.

You cannot win what you don’t understand
And there’s no getting this
This distance
Between us.


Welcome to Auschwitz

Children cry in the dead of night
screaming for solace
As their mothers try to tell them it’s alright
as they are told to hush, be quiet
The silence is broken by their pain
and filled with tears and moans
Saturated with their unveiled shame
crying silently for what they were denied
The corpses already litter the ground
Those of who cannot take the expectations inflicted upon us
The ashes of the weak and old can be found
Burned for being unable to pull the Nazi’s weight
We stare into eyes so hard and cold and cruel
So unfeeling, unrelenting
I have to wonder, can we get through?
But we have no choice, we have to try
My father sighs, then shuffles forward
Slowly, trying to bide his time
As if he knows he’s moving towards
The end of his life
Closer to an untimely death that can not be helped
That cannot, will not be prevented
I never thought I would go through hell
At such a young and innocent age
We stand in line, naked and shivering
With nothing but our pride to cover us
All these people surrounding me
Standing straight, some hunched in silent defeat, the first to die
And the wind biting into my arms and legs and neck
Stinging against my bare body, making me cringe
Burning my skin, making me regret
My life, my existence, my very being
Ever being born into this world
Being exposed to this brutality I do not deserve
And as the events around me unfurl
Slowly unraveling in front of my very eyes
I can see all these lives destroyed, fragile and shattered
Forgotten like they are of no importance
As if these peoples, these hearts didn’t matter
Nor their souls, their families and friends
Like our accomplishments meant nothing to them
Like WE meant nothing
As if we’re just a game, a nuisance to them
An unwanted burden
And a marking on my arm, branding me forever
Striping me of my identity
So if I DO survive I will remember forever
And never be free of the monstrosity we are subjected to
Remember the screams, the fear, and the chills
The crying of the poor innocents with no chance
Of standing at the foot of this hill
In a silent line
And seeing that child thrown into a burning flame
Melting its skin away like paper
As though this were a sick, cruel game
With rules we do not know
Where we are the victim, the prey, and the unwilling opponents
And they are the experts
And it’s common knowledge we don’t have a single chance
To win the battle, nonetheless the war
And by eliminating those you deem ‘unworthy’ those who are different
Those who do not meet your standards
You can win the prize; take the path of least resistance
The one for the ‘greater good’
A joke that held no humor for those of a certain type
Those like us with no laughter
It was all a ploy to decide what is ‘right’
And what deserves to exist
As the master is a dictator, someone with all the power
Who makes all the rules?
And when the clock strikes the final hour
And the sun goes down for the last time
It is he who will own our fate
Call our destinies
He who will create the days
And he who shall be the night
And mold the lives the strong will lead
And end that of the weak
Leaving nothing of what used to be
And the remains from what I loved
And the memories in my mind all begin to fade
To decorate in small pieces
As my long, horror filled days
Stretch and turn for the worse
Turn to months of fear and terror, ultimately numbness
That renders me unfeeling and impassioned
A sort of feeling that makes it possible to have known this
Couldn’t possibly become any worse
More and more people die, falling all around me
To the ground in saddened, dies-spirited heaps
And yet hope in the future I still cannot see
I still cannot decipher
My life is in their hands, they get to be God
Holding the knowledge of my ultimate demise
And never before did not knowing ever seem so hard
And being me such an imposition
Hated for who I am, rejected for what I’m not
And forced to pay for my blood in my blood
Told to forget everything that I was ever taught
To forget everything that I ever was
The eyes of my fellows grow cold and detached; as I’m sure do mine
When you look into their empty depths
And we have lost all track of time
And do not wish to know how much longer we must endure
We fight for food, killing those who used to be neighbors, or even close friends
For a small scrap of dry, molded bread
Because it’s all for ourselves in the end
For the end is all there is now
Every man for himself, only the strong shall survive this war
Is what we are constantly told
And those who cannot will exist nevermore
To be forgotten in the aftermath
I’m dying now, at the tender age of 19
A mere child who has seen nothing, known nothing
And nobody in the world will ever miss the likes of me
Never notice the missing link
There is a voice, but it continues to grow weak
So unstable and weary
It’s been days since I was able to speak
Doing so drains my energy
So now I’m tired, and am ready to give up
To sapped of all will to continue
But all around me, there are people who put up enough
Who try hard enough, forcing enough
Of a fight to keep living, to try and make it through
The hell we call life now
Even if putting off the inevitable is all they manage to do
All they can accomplish, its more than I
They can continue to breathe and hope and dream
To say it will be alright
Trying to make it all seem
To make it honestly appear
Like its ok, it will end soon
To be a terrifying memory
But if it was, I would be too
Able to live, and move on
And now on the brink of death
On the edge of surrender
As I take my very last breath
Ragged and shallow
I sigh, knowing this hell is over and done with
That it can continue no more for me
Welcome to Auschwitz

There’s a Storm

There is a storm swirling inside my heart.
I can see it growing closer,
And I so f e a r the dark.
I can see the rain
R    D
In the distance.
F.u.n.n.y. how the drops resemble memories…

Isn’t it?

My past lies ((reflected)) in a puddle on the ground.
Lost in the shadows the steeple tosses around.

L O F T Y glances from L O F T Y people with L O F T Y standards I cannot meet.
They don’t even know me
But I
Am the dirt


Their feet.

Can anybody hear me?
is anybody there?
My arms are open wide and I am S C R E A M I NG out for y.o.u.

Can anybody see me?
Or do they even care?
I’m on my knees and I’m b
G for you too.

The wind is picking up,
Carrying away my screams.
The dark is falling now,
How am I to see?
RiPpLeS in the water make me forget who I was.
The images are blurred, the voices a roaring buzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

The BIG bell in the tower,
S t r I k e s the



She’d never let him know just how D
The scars go,
When he s.p.e.a.k.s.
Out in anger.
The ones on her wrist have been healed for so long.
But now and again she wishes,
That the pain hadn’t gone.

That pain that kept her g r o u n d e d
And reminded her that
She was all she needed
And all she’d ever have.

Because even the ones
That claim to love
The ugly scars you showed them

Will add to the list
Add to your wrist
With the nasty words and where they throw them
To s
r    against the walls of your heart,
Like a ball in a china shop.

But she’ll never say this,
She won’t say a word.
Because even when she does
You don’t apologize for the hurt.

You simply shrug, like
She knows how it is,
Yeah you’re right.

But you don’t know
How she’s been thinking
One day she’ll be strong
To do the leaving

And you’ll be laying there,
Looking around,
At the shattered pieces
Of a broken family,
Laying on the ground.

And you’ll only call out to her to ask,
“Will you sweep that up when you come back?”

[In the Corner of a Drawer]

In the corner of a drawer,
Shoved behind the mismatched socks
And the t-shirts I never wear,
Is an old photograph,
A *corner torn and folded over,
A coffee stain marring the image,
*Pale and faded with age.
Two faces, smiling and cheerful,
A contrast* to the pain that lives there now,
Turned towards each other,
And out there for the world to see.

When the negative* thoughts couldn’t touch us,
And forever was more than just
A distant, faraway dream.
The sun casts* shadows in the background,
And if you look closely,
You can see a phantom*,
A ghost,
Of the girl I used to be.

Once upon a time a kiss
Was all it took to flip*
The switch,
And ignite* a fire so hot,
I swear we should have burnt
That entire beach town to the ground.

Ashes to sand, hand in hand.

But you know what they say
About flames that burn wild.

In a flash* they die out,
Leaving smoldering coals,
And nothing to save.

So I delegate those memories
To the back of a drawer,
Out of sight, but never forgotten,
Even if I can’t look at it anymore.
There’s a reel in my head,
That flows* and runs without end,
Of every memory clip* together,
Your voice a broken record,
My heart the needle*
That allows it to

and stick around.

I keep hoping the pain will taper* off,
And fade away.
But the button* on my mind seems to be stuck,
And it just

There’s a photograph, worn and torn
Shoved in the back of a drawer.
It’s battered and beaten,
And it seems to look just like I feel.

But I can’t let it go.

Because I need to remember that once upon a time…

I was real.

Hey Little Brother

Hey little brother, I can see you.

You’re standing there, with your feet planted,
And a defiant glint in your eyes,
A carefree smirk across your lips.

That upward tilt to your chin is oh so familiar.

Hey little brother, I can see you.

You think that no one could possibly understand,
And you just want to know why we can’t leave you alone,
And allow you to live your life anyway you can.

I’ve wondered that myself.

Hey little brother, I can see you.

I’m telling you now, that the drugs?
They don’t solve anything.
At the end of the day you’ll still hurt.

And you will remember everything.

Hey little brother, I can see you.

Because I’ve watched you grow up,
And I’m watching you grow away,
From the people that love you the most.

The ones who aren’t sure what to say.

Hey little brother, I can see me.

Every time I look into your eyes.
There’s a crazed panic in them,
That only a kindred soul could recognize.

There’s still time to change.

Hey little brother, can you see me?

I’m living proof.
You can walk away from it all,
Make it all okay.

But that is a decision that has to be made by you.

Hey little brother, I can see you

Can’t Shake Hands With a Closed Fist

Hands often tell a s.t.o.r.y.
That faces will not betray
For when a mask slips on
The hands will give you away.

The stiff fingers when you place
Your hand in >>mine.<<
The tremor while your voice stays calm
And you look right into my eyes.

There’s a dozen scars that tell the tales
Of adventures that have passed.
You may not tell the stories,
But your hands will tell your past.

I Must Have Loved You

Years of waiting for your return
turned to anger then indifference.
I let go of the pain that haunted me,
I learned to move on and stopped letting you control me.
I forced myself to hear your voice,
And tell myself that you didn’t matter.
Gone were the days
of pretending that you ever cared,
or that you ever would again.
I didn’t hope for a text to light up my phone,
in fact, if you did, I wouldn’t have known
it was you. Because I deleted you.
But every now and then
no matter how strong I thought I’d been
I’d hear a song, I’d think of you
and the fierce wave of hate would swell within
almost instantly killed by a longing pain
for the what could have been.
I erected walls to shut people out
they weren’t a challenge to climb
they weren’t a sign for help
I simply needed to protect my sanity
I needed to keep you the fuck away from me
It wasn’t until I realized
that though I don’t need your approval
though I don’t want your love
though I don’t need you in my life
allowing myself to feel so strongly
about you walking out almost twenty years ago
I must have loved you
with a love that was more than love.
Because you were my daddy.
my hero
and I was just in the way.

Wrapped Up

I’ve been a little >>preoccupied<< lately.
my mind’s been wandering
and searching
and just c h i l l i n g on the corner
of memory lanes
it shouldn’t be                                                          near.

Like cigarette smoke
f.l.o.a.t.i.n.g. around my head
whispering stories
I’d rather (((forget.)))

I’ve been



on a !!SCREAM!!
that’s got -no- voice

Because if a tree falls
and nooooo one is around to
r it,
does it even make a noise?

Did I ask for help?
Or just imagine that I did?
Did I scratch myself?
Or did I purposefully break
that fragile bit of skin?

It’s like a storm is brewing
in the middle of a.war.
and when it comes down to it

is there **anything**
g for?

I’m so wrapped up in my head
that I’m missing what’s around me.
I can hear him calling my name
but I can’t see through the fog

it surrounds me.

So thick I can’t breath.
So dense I can’t see.
So heavy I can’t move.

Someone fucking rescue me.

Because I tried to rescue myself
But I’m so wrapped up

I don’t even recognize myself.

What Goes Down

It h.u.r.t.s. to hit the ground
When you’ve f
n from the clouds.

It knocks the -breath- from your lungs,
And the love from your s h a t t e r e d soul.


You pass out

And wake up in a darkened room
With the heat on BLAST
and sweat dripping down your face.

Or are those -tears?-

You just wallow,
Because after all what are you good for?
Trapped in the Hell you made all your own.

But somewhere
and somehow
A light is shining,
just a pinprick on the ground
where you lay your head.

And the light is enough
To make you lift your head up ^

And with a renewed determination


from the ashes of the bridges you burned,
and with      beneath your ragged nails
You b r e a k through the barrier,
and s.t.e.p. into the ((light))

Head held high.